- Women are naturally tougher than you. Don’t sweat it. Proof? One word: Childbirth.

- There is a reason why the Exchange only has “Proud Military Wife” stickers and keychains. Real men don’t use stickers or keychains. Yes, that must be it.

-  As long as you know who really wears the ACUs in the family, you’ll be fine.

-  Female service members are quite used to the quality of dining afforded by MREs. When you marry a woman, you probably have ‘cooked’ a meal or two for her.

-  BDUs and ACUs eliminate those awkward, impossible conversations when your spouse asks, “Does this make my butt look big?”

-  When introducing yourselves to new neighbors or acquaintances,  you might try wearing facial hair…just to ease into the explanation of why they should be asking HER about military service.

-  When the time comes, think of those 6 weeks of maternity leave as 6 weeks of YOUR Basic Training. This should be enough time for you to learn rudimentary diaper changing techniques, to further your appreciation for burp cloths, and to cultivate a steely resolve for spending the subsequent 10 years on a playground.

- It is often helpful to con yourself into thinking that the early months after a child is born is akin to the sleep deprivation trials of BUDs/SEAL Team training.

- Watching G.I. Jane repeatedly…in the hopes of coming to a more enriched understanding of the breaking of traditional gender roles and stereotypes within the ranks of the military…won’t help.

- Regardless of the way you were raised, you will find yourself saying “Yes, Ma’am” and “No, Ma’am” a lot more often.

- Stop by her unit once in a while. It will be helpful to see that other men, some much more manly than you, do exactly what she says too.

- Being able to make any sense at all of her LES is tantamount to earning a CPA.

- You will never, ever have to suspect that your spouse’s work attire is too suggestive (never) or unflattering (always).

- Emasculation is the new black.

- You will save a small fortune on ‘work’ wardrobe, jewelry, hair appointments, earrings, etc. Begin putting those savings toward your child’s education fund, not, you know, afternoons at Hooters.

- “Sex in the City” will never compromise your family finances or your sanity when shoe shopping. “Which ones do you like, Honey?” “The beige (or grey or black) ones, of course.”  

- Be mindful to always convey your appreciation of her feminine charms. Failure to do so is evidence that you have little appreciation that our government gives her powerful weapons and broad authority to launch tactical strikes on unenlightened Neanderthals.

- When you watch UFC fights, try to remember that the military is training your wife to do those same things. Behave accordingly.

- To “Man Up”, or, if you’re from Texas, “Cowboy Up”, means sometimes having to buy tampons. A note of caution: when this task becomes completely comfortable, contact your local MTF. While I’m not a medical professional, they should prescribe a rigorous regimen of Clint Eastwood films.

- Try to remember that, like him or not, Bill Clinton, former Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces, is currently being professionally eclipsed by his wife.

- The Rolling Stones sang about Mother’s Little Helper. And what is Daddy’s Little Helper? A hint: it’s found at your local Class Six.

- Be very, very careful if you elect to mention to your wife that the military occasionally offers free cosmetic surgery to AD service members (in order to allow its medical practitioners to keep current on their licensing). On second thought, don’t. Just don’t.

- When you’re man enough to admit “My wife wears combat boots”, you’re man enough.